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RAB Research Archive

Are you a kind person?

Suppose you had a colleague/friend who was going through a rough time at the office. Clients are canceling, prospects don't want to talk to them and they are not hitting their weekly or monthly goals.

You probably wouldn't say, "You"re right, Jeff. You're a loser; things look pretty hopeless for you. The reality is you're not very good at this; I'm not even sure people like you."

Saying something like that would be considered obnoxiously rude and something most rational people would never even think let alone say.

But wait... Why do we do that to ourselves?

It's called self-talk and we all do it. Psychologists tell us that we have upwards of 300 conversations with ourselves every day. A recent article on Healthline.com reveals:

Self-talk is your internal dialogue. It's influenced by your subconscious mind, and it reveals your thoughts, beliefs, questions and ideas. Self-talk can be both negative and positive. It can be encouraging, and it can be distressing. Much of your self-talk depends on your personality. If you're an optimist, your self-talk may be more hopeful and positive. The opposite is generally true if you tend to be a pessimist.

Before you can practice positive self-talk, it's important to identify the negative stuff you are saying to yourself. According to the article, the negativity falls into one of four categories:

Personalizing. You blame yourself for everything.

Magnifying. You focus on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring any positives.

Catastrophizing. You expect the worst, and you rarely let logic or reason persuade you otherwise.

Polarizing. You see the world in black and white, or good and bad. There's nothing in between and no middle ground for processing and categorizing life events.

Because our self-talk is important in shaping our view of ourselves and the world around us, it's critical to stop and think about what you're thinking about and stop beating yourself up. The article lists these positive benefits of positive self-talk:

increased vitality

greater life satisfaction

improved immune function

reduced pain

better cardiovascular health

better physical well-being

reduced risk for death

less stress and distress

If you wouldn't talk like that to a struggling friend, you certainly shouldn't do it to yourself. Sadly, we've all been guilty of negative self-talk. Now that you know what to look for, and the benefits of getting rid of the negativity between your ears, you can start to take control of the dialogue and make sure you're being a kind person — to yourself.

Have a great weekend!

Jeff Schmidt is the SVP of Professional Development. You can reach him at Jeff.Schmidt@RAB.com. You can all so connect with him on Twitter and LinkedIn.

Source: Jeff Schmidt, SVP of Professional Development, RAB