The Most Valuable Skill Nobody Teaches

Graham Bunn is the morning show host at The Kat (WKKT-FM) in Charlotte, NC for iHeartMedia. If you look at his resume and his connections with artists and stars, you will conclude that Graham was a big deal. And you would be right.

Graham was one of the presenters last week at our Kellar Media Career Academy. What was more impressive than his resume, his great stories, or his connection to the country music stars was his ability to make each of the students feel like the most important person in the room. When a student asked a question, Graham would look them in the eye, listen intently and give them a thoughtful response.

The students loved him. The students weren’t just impressed because Graham knew celebrities. They were impressed because Graham made them feel like celebrities.

He made them feel seen.

We were blessed with an entire lineup of speakers who genuinely took an interest in the students and their future. Seeing how the students responded to our speakers reminded me of David Brooks' book How to Know a Person. The premise is deceptively simple: In a world filled with distractions, noise and constant communication, one of the rarest skills has become the ability to truly understand another human being.

Some might call these soft skills. After what I witnessed in Boone, NC, last week, I think they’re becoming power skills for both sellers and leaders.

We spend enormous amounts of time teaching people how to present, persuade, negotiate, influence and communicate. We teach salespeople how to ask questions, overcome objections and close business. We teach leaders how to run meetings, set goals and manage performance. What we spend far less time teaching is how to genuinely know another person.

Most of us listen with the intent to respond rather than the intent to understand. We're mentally preparing our next question, our next comment or our next rebuttal before the other person has even finished speaking.

David Brooks argues that one of the greatest gifts we can give another person is our attention. Brooks suggests that many people move through life feeling unseen. They may be surrounded by coworkers, customers, family members and friends, yet still feel as though nobody truly understands what they’re carrying, what they’re struggling with or what they’re hoping for.

Think about how rare that has become. We're checking email during meetings. Looking at our phones during conversations. Thinking about the next appointment while someone is explaining a challenge they're facing. We hear the words, but we miss the person.

Salespeople do this all the time. A prospect mentions a concern and we’re already thinking about how to answer it. Leaders do it too. An employee explains they’re struggling and we’re immediately offering advice rather than exploring what’s really happening beneath the surface.

Brooks introduces the concept of being an "illuminator" rather than a "diminisher."

• Diminishers leave people feeling smaller. They interrupt, judge, dismiss and redirect conversations back to themselves.
• Illuminators help people feel seen. They ask thoughtful questions. They create space for others to share. They leave people feeling understood.

Think about the people who have had the greatest influence on your life. Chances are they weren’t the people who talked the most. They were the people who listened the best and made you feel seen.

That's why curiosity may be one of the most underrated skills in leadership and sales. Curious leaders build trust. Curious salespeople uncover opportunities. Curious people create stronger relationships.

When someone feels genuinely understood, something changes. Trust increases. Defenses come down. Relationships deepen. People become more willing to share what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Instead of asking, "How do I respond?" perhaps we should ask, "What am I missing?"

Instead of trying to impress people, perhaps we should focus on understanding them.

The irony is that as artificial intelligence becomes more capable, human skills become more valuable. Technology can summarize meetings, generate proposals and analyze data. What it cannot do is replace the feeling people experience when they know someone genuinely cares about them.

The leaders who will thrive in the future won't necessarily be the most charismatic. The salespeople who will thrive won't necessarily be the most persuasive. They will be the people who make others feel seen, heard and understood.

Because at the end of the day, people don't remember every presentation, proposal or meeting. As Maya Angelou famously concluded: They remember how you made them feel.

And helping someone feel seen may be one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being.

Think Big, Make Big Things Happen!

Jeff Schmidt is the SVP of Professional Development. You can reach him at Jeff.Schmidt@RAB.com. You can also connect with him on X, YouTube, and LinkedIn.