Wisdom Moves at the Speed of Relationship

Last Sunday, my pastor, Brian Episcopo, shared a message that has been replaying in my mind. In fact, it inspired some new content for the Leadership Masterclass and Women Who Rise events next week in Indiana. He said something so simple, yet so profound:

“Teaching isn’t an event. It’s a relationship.”

I realized that’s exactly how the most important lessons in my life have been learned. They didn’t happen in a classroom, during a seminar, or at a conference. They happened over coffee, in long conversations, on road trips, after presentations, and during moments when someone cared enough to invest in me.

Brian pointed to the Bible story of Rehoboam in 2 Chronicles 10. As Israel’s new king, Rehoboam faced a defining leadership decision. He sought advice from the older men who had served his father, Solomon. They urged him to lead with humility and serve the people. But instead of following their counsel, Rehoboam turned to his peers. They encouraged him to project strength, demand more, and prove his authority. He listened to the wrong voices. The consequences were devastating. The kingdom divided, and a generation paid the price.

It raises a few questions every leader should ask:

Who are you walking with?
And whose voice are you listening to?

For generations, wisdom was transferred almost by accident. Families lived close together. Four generations often worked side by side. Young professionals learned from seasoned veterans simply because they shared the same workplace. Grandparents weren’t just visitors. They were part of everyday life.

Today, those opportunities are becoming increasingly rare. More people work remotely. Organizations are flatter. Experienced leaders retire, and younger professionals often find themselves surrounded primarily by…other younger professionals.

Information has never been easier to find.

Wisdom has never been harder to access.

Research has found that adults who had close relationships with grandparents or other trusted older mentors tend to demonstrate greater resilience, emotional intelligence, and emotional well-being later in life. The lesson isn’t really about grandparents. It’s about the life-changing power of having someone older, wiser, and trusted walk beside you.

I was fortunate to have Bill Mann in my life. I often refer to him as my “Radio Dad.” I’m grateful I still get to spend time with Bill, and when I’m not with him, I still hear his voice reminding me, “Ninety percent of the problems you’ll face will be between your ears.” Bill didn’t just teach me sales. He taught me how to think, how to lead, and how to live.

Then Brian offered a definition of wisdom I’ll never forget:

“Wisdom is benefiting from someone else’s scars.”

I love that. Wisdom isn’t knowing more. It’s avoiding mistakes because someone cared enough to share what they learned the hard way. Think about that for a moment. Every scar tells a story. Every scar represents a lesson someone paid dearly to learn. Wisdom is the incredible gift of learning those lessons without having to earn every scar yourself.

That’s why mentors matter.
That’s why coaches matter.
That’s why leaders matter.

That’s what coaches do. They shorten the learning curve. They help us avoid mistakes we don’t have to make. They see blind spots we can’t. Have you ever noticed that as athletes move from Pop Warner (youth) football to the NFL, they don’t have fewer coaches?

They have more.

The game gets faster. The competition gets tougher. The margin for error gets smaller. So the need for experienced voices grows. Leadership works the same way.

The higher you climb, the more valuable coaching becomes.

Yet too many leaders reach a position of influence and quietly conclude they’ve arrived. They stop seeking counsel just when they need it most.

Organizations spend millions of dollars every year on training events.

But wisdom is rarely transferred in a classroom.

Wisdom moves at the speed of relationship.

So today, let me leave you with three questions:

• Who are you walking with?
• Who is pouring wisdom into your life?
• And whose scars are you helping someone else avoid?

Because leadership isn’t just about achieving results. It’s about leaving the next generation wiser than you found them.

After all…

Teaching isn’t an event. It’s a relationship.

And wisdom?
It moves at the speed of relationship.

Think Big. Make Big Things Happen.

Jeff Schmidt is the SVP of Professional Development. You can reach him at Jeff.Schmidt@RAB.com. You can also connect with him on X, YouTube, and LinkedIn.