The Stories You're Selling Yourself

Last week, I had the privilege of attending the Women Who Rise event in Indiana, hosted by the Indiana Broadcasters Association. Throughout the day, I listened to remarkable stories of perseverance, resilience and courage. Kim Johnson, whom I have the privilege of working with every day, and Erica Farber, who has inspired so many—including me—shared deeply personal stories about the obstacles they have overcome in their careers and lives. Their vulnerability didn't simply move the audience. You could feel it changing the way people saw themselves.

Kim's presentation, Confidence Isn't Enough, But You Are, spoke directly to an issue that affects far more people than we realize: the internal belief systems that quietly hold us back.

The greatest obstacles weren't always external. More often, they were internal. Before they ever had to overcome difficult circumstances, they first had to overcome the stories they had been telling themselves: "I'm not ready." "I'm not experienced enough." "I'm not leadership material." "Someone else is more qualified." Sound familiar? If you've spent any time in sales, you've probably heard similar conversations. "I can't prospect." "I'm not comfortable calling on CEOs." "Our market is different." "Nobody's spending money." "I've never been good at asking for the order." We often think these are observations about reality, when in fact they are assumptions about ourselves.

Behavioral scientists refer to these as limiting beliefs, but what fascinated me most in recent research wasn't simply that these beliefs exist. It's how powerfully they influence our behavior. The article explained that limiting beliefs become mental rules we unconsciously accept as truth. Once they become part of our identity, our brains begin filtering experiences in ways that reinforce those beliefs. We notice the failures that confirm our doubts while overlooking the successes that contradict them. In other words, we become remarkably good at proving ourselves right. If I believe I'm poor at prospecting, every unanswered voicemail becomes evidence. Every difficult conversation reinforces the story. Every rejection becomes another chapter in a narrative I've already accepted as true. Our minds are always searching for evidence to support the identity we've already accepted.

Psychologist Albert Bandura spent decades studying what he called self-efficacy, the belief that we are capable of accomplishing a particular task. His research consistently demonstrated that performance is influenced not only by skill, but by what people believe they are capable of achieving. Individuals with similar talent often produce dramatically different results because one approaches a challenge expecting to succeed while the other expects to fail. Belief influences effort. Effort influences persistence. Persistence influences results. Those results then reinforce the original belief, creating either an upward or downward cycle. The story we tell ourselves often becomes the future we eventually experience.

As I thought about the women I met in Indiana, I realized they weren't successful because they never experienced fear or self-doubt. They succeeded because they eventually stopped allowing those thoughts to define who they were. That's an important distinction. We all have limiting thoughts. They become limiting beliefs only when we accept them as part of our identity. Saying, "This presentation makes me nervous," is very different from saying, "I'm not a good presenter." One describes a temporary emotion. The other defines a permanent identity. One can overcome it. The other quietly shapes every future decision.

The same principle applies in sales leadership, as we saw during the next two days in Indiana during RAB's Leadership MasterClass.

Managers often spend enormous amounts of time teaching new techniques, refining presentations or improving closing strategies. Those skills matter, but sometimes the greatest obstacle isn't a lack of knowledge. It's a belief that keeps talented people from ever applying what they already know.

Before coaching behavior, effective leaders often need to coach belief. Before asking, "What should you do differently?" they might ask, "What story are you telling yourself that's preventing you from doing it?" That question has the power to uncover barriers no amount of sales training will ever address.

Perhaps that's why the best coaches spend as much time reshaping beliefs and building confidence as they do developing competence. They challenge assumptions, celebrate progress and remind people of successes they've forgotten. They help individuals replace inaccurate stories with truthful ones. Over time, new experiences create new beliefs and new beliefs produce new behaviors. Confidence isn't pretending you're capable. It's remembering the evidence that says you are.

During Leadership MasterClass, we kept coming back to these simple truths:
Our beliefs shape our identity.
Our identity determines our behavior.
Our behavior determines our results.
If you want different results, you eventually need to change what you believe about yourself.

So today, listen carefully to the conversation happening between your ears. Before you make another sales call, coach another employee or pursue another opportunity, ask yourself one simple question: What story am I selling myself?

Because before you ever convince a customer to believe in your solution, you've already convinced yourself what you're capable of achieving. Make sure the story you're telling yourself is worthy of the person you're becoming.

The most important sale you'll ever make isn't to a client. It's convincing yourself that you're capable of becoming the person God created you to be.

Think Big. Make Big Things Happen.

Jeff Schmidt is the SVP of Professional Development. You can reach him at Jeff.Schmidt@RAB.com. You can also connect with him on X, YouTube, and LinkedIn.