The Conversations No One Is Having… But Everyone Is Feeling
It seems like every call from a manager or seller lately has some tension. It’s not always clearly expressed, but it’s subtle and present.
The economic challenges facing our clients and industry, such as the “rightsizing” of companies, doing more work with fewer staff and the constant pressure to perform all feel a bit overwhelming lately.
Do you feel it?
Both sellers/employees and their managers are feeling the squeeze. This morning, I read an article in Psychology Today and it highlighted something important:
Many workplaces aren’t struggling because people aren’t communicating. They’re struggling because the most important conversations aren’t happening.
If you’re a leader, if you’re sensing tension, it won’t go away on its own. If you’re a seller, or any employee for that matter, and you’re feeling the tension, speak up.
According to the article, here are three conversations that should be taking place right now, along with some suggested approaches from the employee perspective:
- The “This Is Not Sustainable” Conversation: Many professionals are not struggling because they lack discipline, resilience or time-management skills. They are struggling because the volume, pace and emotional load of the work no longer match their capacity. Psychologists often describe this as role overload, when expectations quietly exceed human capacity over time.
How to speak up: “I want to talk about the pace and volume of work I’ve been carrying over the last few months. I’m noticing some patterns that don’t feel sustainable long term.”
The difficulty is that the seller/employee thinks saying something will make them look weak or like a complainer. Meanwhile, the manager is thinking, if they haven’t said anything, everything must be fine.
That silent gap? That’s where burnout lives. Great leaders create space for these conversations. Clarity reduces stress. Silence multiplies it.
- Help Me Understand What Success Looks Like: Here’s a truth most organizations ignore: managers are feeling pressure too. They’re navigating corporate expectations, revenue pressure, shrinking resources and teams that need support.
The result?
Sometimes expectations aren’t perfectly clear. People avoid this conversation because it feels risky. They worry about damaging the relationship, being labeled difficult or limiting future opportunities. So instead, they adapt, over-prepare, redo work and use mental and emotional energy trying to anticipate expectations.
The solution isn’t working harder. It’s asking better questions:
“What matters most right now?”
“If everything can’t get done, where should the focus be?”
That’s not pushing back. That’s alignment.
- Something Feels Off: This might be the toughest conversation of all. Sometimes, the tension we experience isn’t about workload or priorities. It’s about disconnection.
- A seller/employee may feel stuck in the overload of responsibility.
- A manager may feel exhausted.
- A team may feel like they’re running hard but not moving forward.
And instead of talking about it, everyone just keeps grinding. But the best leaders understand something important: Silence doesn’t eliminate tension. It hides it.
People avoid these conversations not because they are weak, entitled or uncommitted. Instead, they often avoid them because the environment doesn’t feel safe enough to have honest discussions. When honesty is met with defensiveness, minimization or subtle penalties, people learn quickly. As a result, staying silent becomes a form of self-protection, and overfunctioning becomes the norm.
The Leadership Lesson
Most workplace problems don’t start with what people say. They start with what people don’t feel safe enough to say. Right now, our industry is navigating real pressure. Clients are cautious. Budgets are tight. Expectations are high.
That’s exactly when leadership matters most. We emphasize having tough conversations and emotional intelligence in our Leadership MasterClass. We have a new session starting April 16. It’s a virtual class, so you don’t have to leave the comfort of your office. We’d love for you to join us. Click here for details.
Sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can do isn’t deliver a speech or set a new goal. Sometimes it’s simply recognizing the tension and asking a question like:
“Something feels off. What conversation are we not having right now?”
And then having the courage to listen. Why? Because conversations only work when people truly listen.
Whenever you do team meetings, spend a minute reading the room. Remember that tension we talked about earlier? If you feel it, address it. The feelings and situations won’t go away on their own.
But people might.
And losing good people is a far bigger problem than having a difficult conversation.
Think Big, Make Big Things Happen!
Jeff Schmidt is the SVP of Professional Development. You can reach him at Jeff.Schmidt@RAB.com. You can also connect with him on X, YouTube, and LinkedIn.
| 
